Nice Survey!

This is the Mother of all Surveys, the Survey to end all surveys, to paraphrase a certain ex-dictator. After reading this survey, you will not ever, and when I say ever, I mean like for the rest of your life ever, feel like posting another Goddamned survey on the Friendster Bulletin Board:

1. Why are surveys annoying?
Because they’re annoying, man.

2. But what exactly is it about surveys that you find annoying?
I just think surveys are annoying, that’s all.

3. How come?
Well, for one thing, a lot of surveys ask stupid questions.

4. Have you ever had a crush on a member of the opposite sex?
See! Of course I’ve had crushes on girls before. Approximately three hundred and twenty seven times, if you want some Goddamned numbers! Actually, the last time was a little bit messy, but yeah, I guess it might count. But who really wants to know all this shit? Do you? Do you?

5. OK, so if surveys are full of stupid questions, why do people keep posting them on the Friendster Bulletin Board?
How the hell should I know! People can do what they want! I’m cool with it. No, really, I am. Haha.

6. Would you rather have a hot but skanky girlfriend or an ugly but faithful girlfriend?
Skanky!

7. Are surveys devised by the FBI so that they can accurately profile you just in case you’re ever going to strap a bomb to your ass and run around town screaming “I’ve got a bomb strapped to my ass!”
Maybe. I don’t know. I think the Feds already know about my plot to secretly infiltrate Buckingham Palace and replace all the silverware with fake silverware so that I can sell the real silverware on the black market before they discover the fake silverware and get enough money to like, pimp my ride, yo. Like, ‘fer real, Essei.

8. Do you have any pets?
I think pets are overrated. Especially all the weird ones like lizards and shit, I think you gotta be a little mental you know to keep that sorta shit in your house, y’know? But I have two cats. Unfortunately, I spayed one of the poor little bastards, so he ain’t never gonna be sowing no Goddamned oats or whatever…Haha.

9. Have you ever had your fortune read?
I know what my future is, I’m here to party.

10. Would you ever fill out another survey after this one?
Hell no. Isn’t this the Mother of all Surveys?