Questions

Should his Lordship be referred to as merely 'Sir Alex', or the more protocol-friendly 'Sir Alex Ferguson?'

Fuck it, I'm going to Old Trafford! Fuckit! Fuckit!

On a lighter note (what?), I'm still thinking of bringing a Liverpool jersey along.

Phwoar!

Almost Famous

TONEDEF, July 2001: I remember almost getting whipped in the face by those dreads as I earnestly zoomed in for my Rolling Stone picture.

The guy was seriously loaded, headbanging away, completely oblivious to the crowd, and people with cameras. You try coaxing metal heads if you want...

Later, I ran into Emmet backstage right after Butters had brought the house down with a particularly inspiring closing performance (you ain't heard Viopipe unless you've heard it live, aite?)

Soaked to the skin, flushed and still buzzing, I remember feeling like a right twat because I really needed to get a good quote for my story, but I also didn't want to cramp his style after such a great show. Let rock stars be rock stars already, I thought to myself. Don't pester him just yet! Let the poor man bask in the afterglow.

"So, Emmet, how are you feeling?"

"Tired, man. But shit, that was good."

Sometimes, you just hope for the best.

Fuck You, Clark Kent!

As writers, we're all allowed to be at least a little bit pretentious, if not for the sake of art, then for the fact that most creative people are naturally cranky and have egos the size of football fields (football as in soccer, not the padded-up, let's-fuck-some-cheerleaders-after-this-beer-hoo-ya! kind of football).

So, here goes nuthin'.

I'd like to clear the air on why I'm not going to ever join a newspaper. daily or otherwise, so long as my heart keeps on beating.*

It's not because of the fact that newspapers here like to dumb down their content (egalitarian my ass; people should learn big words not because they should be smarter but because all of those big words are there for a reason), not because newspapers encourage lifers (who the hell would want to write for one section of a newspaper for a good ten years of their lives? Does it take that long to get noticed?) and not because newspapers suffer from an increased proclivity (there, a big fucking word!) for office politics.

No.

It's because newspapers are not cool. They're not cool.

That's the only reason. They're not cool.

So, forget about the Daily Planet. Forget about Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Forget about saving the world.

They're not cool.

And you should know something else, too: Peter Parker gets peantus for his photos in the Daily Bugle. Brenda Starr wouldn't be able to get the story if she didn't fuck all of her leads. And Nancy Drew, fucking hell, don't get me started on that shit.

So, yeah, that's a negative, Sarge.

No go, amigo.

Freelancing for newspapers is still okay, once in a while, but signing a legal and binding contract with them to do with me as they please is definitely not going to happen.

Never happen.

(fingers crossed)

*I mean no disrespect to my fellow writers. But fuck me, I'm happy I don't have to do your job!