The Fear

Nothing puts the fear of God in you faster than your Executive Creative Director calling up and telling you there's a copy error in your work.

These words must die - Part 1

Like John Tucker, the following words and phrases should be removed from your vocabulary because they're ugly, archaic, irrelevant or completely made up shit:

1. Soap Opera: This word came about through US pharmaceutical P&G's sponsorship of radio shows in the Thirties. Since it's now the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Six, this term is now redundant and so shows like One Tree Hill are dramas, not soaps.

2. Impactful: Sorry, Dilbert; this word doesn't actually exist. It was made up by virgins.

3. Data Capture: What the fuck is this? What do you mean? Are you talking about data collection? Are you talking about recording data? Or do you just want to speak like a cyborg? Tzzzt...zzttt...Shut the fuck up.

4. Thrice: I don't know; it just sounds a bit Obi-Wan Kenobi to me.

5. Synergy: People who use the word 'synergy' also like to read self-help books. Self-help books are rubbish. If you want to help yourself, stop using words like 'synergy'.

6. Kudos: Come on, the word sounds so Eighties.

7. Incumbent: Another way to confuse people in the courtroom.

8. Convulsions: How about 'spasms'?

9. Fucktard: I never really got this one. Does that mean I'm a fucktard?

Jom Gemuk™

I was so stressed out the other day that I decided to channel my energy towards something silly.

So I came up with a TotalWorks campaign for Nasi Lemak. The objective was to get people to feel good about consuming those cute little packets of heart attack. Armed with a napkin and a pen, I sketched out a simple above-the-line campaign that included a TVC, ambient and DM stuff that was supported by an equally no-brainer online campaign which comprised of a microsite, viral videos on Youtube and a cool side-scrolling platform Flash game, like Mario, which encouraged you to collect points, in the form of calories, while on your way to rescue the overweight princess and save the world from the evil Dr Anoreksik (a Nicole Ritchie look-alike).

Wicked.

I even drew the microsite wireframe.

Everybody just fuckin' relax, aite.

Fuck it.

I'm going Cold Turkey tomorrow. God help me.

It's entirely for health reasons, I assure you.

And that valve that traps blood in my penis.

I want it to work when I'm 40.

Hoo-ya.

10 years, and counting

It's been 10 years since high school.

Since then, I have:

- done a lot of drugs.
- gone bungee-jumping in Thailand.
- found the best place for kerabu mangga in Malaysia (it's somewhere in Kajang).
- partied at an oldschool jungle night in Manchester. Boh!
- said "I Love You" and totally meant it, to two lovely ladies.
- discovered the meaning of life (kind of).
- a receding hairline.
- been to Sipadan.
- test-driven a wide variety of luxury sedans at ridiculous speeds on the Kerinchi Link.
- hung out with Jojo Struys (even if you're from a parallel universe, that's gotta count).
- thrown a Merdeka party in a hotel. It rocked.
- tried to quit smoking (seriously) twice. The third time's the charm, as they say.
- climbed up 6, 000ft mountains because I thought it was 'cool'.
- improved my vocabulary, even though I still am a dyslexic motherfucker.
- come to terms with childhood traumas.
- had lunch with Tiesto.
- written for many publications, print and online, that have nothing to do with each other.
- accidentally chatted-up various mate's girlfriends. Sorry!
- played bass guitar for 3 years in a punk/post-grunge/pop/metal/funk band that didn't really go anywhere, but rocked our socks all the same.
- sailed on a ship off the coast of Australia, climbed up the main mast and almost fell a few times on the way down.
- back-packed across East Malaysia.
- taught English to a group of Kadazan-Dusun kindergarten kids, in a small poverty-line village in Kiau Nuluh, Sabah.
- actually had a Guinness with a proper shamrock on the head. Draft, all the way.
- repeatedly failed Statistics.
- met some really cool people in the process.
- watched the film 'Traffic' during a come down. Not advisable, folks.
- auditioned for indie movies.
- written a short story that will never be finished because I'll never get the ending that I really want.
- actually done some wicked graffiti.
- formed my own crew. Junglist for life!

and lots of other stuff I can't remember right now.

Here's to the next ten!