When I become Transport Minister, here's what I'm gonna do:
- I will outlaw school buses. They are big, yellow and fucking slow.
- MPV owners will be required to be under 35 years of age, must sit for IQ tests and must be vetted by me, personally, before they are allowed to even fucking sniff that pink slip. They must also be able to parallel park without destroying other vehicles.
- People who are caught driving in the right lane below 80km/h will be subjected to Chinese Water Torture (using only the finest premium vodka, though). They will then be made to wear their foreskins over their heads.
- I will allow private ownership of hovercrafts, because Jalan Ampang is full of potholes. As long as you do not fix surface-to-air missiles, miniguns or use it to transport terrorists.
- I will build overhead crossings at the right places, instead of some stupid location which is always about 200 metres too far off. I will allow drug addicts to shoot up and co-habit these overhead crossings, so that school kids know what it's like to get fucked up on crack.
- I will discourage ugly billboards along highways, like those lame ass ones with Rosyam Nor on them. Biscuit ambassadors my ass.
- I will let chimpanzees direct the flow of traffic during rush hour. They know sign language. It'll be funny, trust me.
- I will allow motorcyclists to SMS their buddies/girlfriends/Hotlink while riding, because at the end of the day, it's all about reaching out to that special person on the other end of the line. Remember, human communication is important.
Um. I can't think of anything else right now, but I promise to make it worth your while. Oh yeah, and I'll fucking block Toyota from selling Camrys, Naza from selling Kia Karnivals and I will ban souped-up Sagas from the Ampang Elevated Highway.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
What's been on my mind lately
If Sir Isaac Newton developed his theory of gravity from falling apples, didn't the motherfucker ever play ball?
If dykes, of the spiky hair, strapped-tits and moccasins variety, have to take a leak and the Ladies is full, do they hop over to the Men's?
What are the mechanics behind finding your jodoh? How can you ever tell who you're destined to have babies with?
A hundred years from now, will anyone remember Hiroshima?
What did they call the clitoris before they called it the clitoris?
Am I going to make it?
Will prime time television ever be the same again?
Is Media Prima the next Big Brother?
What goes around really comes around? Or do people all fuck up sooner or later?
Is Grooverider going to ever stop? (Not that he should)
When black culture implodes from overt desensitization, what will happen to Ghetto Heaven?
When are we going to have a non-Malay prime minister?
If Predators stole alien technology to power their weapons and intergalactic forages into foreign worlds, why the fuck do they still braid their hair?
Why agonize over how the dinosaurs died? Shouldn't we be more worried about Aids?
How intelligent are cats?
Is Paris Hilton going to end up like Sophia Loren, or Kate Moss?
Does Kate Moss give a fuck?
Do I?
If dykes, of the spiky hair, strapped-tits and moccasins variety, have to take a leak and the Ladies is full, do they hop over to the Men's?
What are the mechanics behind finding your jodoh? How can you ever tell who you're destined to have babies with?
A hundred years from now, will anyone remember Hiroshima?
What did they call the clitoris before they called it the clitoris?
Am I going to make it?
Will prime time television ever be the same again?
Is Media Prima the next Big Brother?
What goes around really comes around? Or do people all fuck up sooner or later?
Is Grooverider going to ever stop? (Not that he should)
When black culture implodes from overt desensitization, what will happen to Ghetto Heaven?
When are we going to have a non-Malay prime minister?
If Predators stole alien technology to power their weapons and intergalactic forages into foreign worlds, why the fuck do they still braid their hair?
Why agonize over how the dinosaurs died? Shouldn't we be more worried about Aids?
How intelligent are cats?
Is Paris Hilton going to end up like Sophia Loren, or Kate Moss?
Does Kate Moss give a fuck?
Do I?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Words of Wisdom
I sort of discovered a Malay "saying" once. I was fooling around with a kitten, probably Tiddles when he was younger, and I think it was my Grannie who came up to me, shook her head and said "Jangan manjakan sangat. Nanti mabuk tangan."
Now, I'm convinced that this applies to all interpretations of the term 'pussy'.
So I think it's safe to say that you should avoid spoiling your woman. You never know when your relationship will unknowingly trangress into taken-for-granted territory.
Nanti mabuk tangan.
Now, I'm convinced that this applies to all interpretations of the term 'pussy'.
So I think it's safe to say that you should avoid spoiling your woman. You never know when your relationship will unknowingly trangress into taken-for-granted territory.
Nanti mabuk tangan.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Oi tosser!
Hey, fuck you whoever's spamming my blog.
It's completely unnecessary.
I mean, can't I have my own little bit of the Internet without someone pissing all over it? Please?
Seriously, that's fucked up. Get a day job. Maybe you need to spend more time away from computers. I suggest having regular sex with something more than your left hand.
Works wonders, y'know?
It's completely unnecessary.
I mean, can't I have my own little bit of the Internet without someone pissing all over it? Please?
Seriously, that's fucked up. Get a day job. Maybe you need to spend more time away from computers. I suggest having regular sex with something more than your left hand.
Works wonders, y'know?
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