Hopes and Dreams

When I become Transport Minister, here's what I'm gonna do:

- I will outlaw school buses. They are big, yellow and fucking slow.

- MPV owners will be required to be under 35 years of age, must sit for IQ tests and must be vetted by me, personally, before they are allowed to even fucking sniff that pink slip. They must also be able to parallel park without destroying other vehicles.

- People who are caught driving in the right lane below 80km/h will be subjected to Chinese Water Torture (using only the finest premium vodka, though). They will then be made to wear their foreskins over their heads.

- I will allow private ownership of hovercrafts, because Jalan Ampang is full of potholes. As long as you do not fix surface-to-air missiles, miniguns or use it to transport terrorists.

- I will build overhead crossings at the right places, instead of some stupid location which is always about 200 metres too far off. I will allow drug addicts to shoot up and co-habit these overhead crossings, so that school kids know what it's like to get fucked up on crack.

- I will discourage ugly billboards along highways, like those lame ass ones with Rosyam Nor on them. Biscuit ambassadors my ass.

- I will let chimpanzees direct the flow of traffic during rush hour. They know sign language. It'll be funny, trust me.

- I will allow motorcyclists to SMS their buddies/girlfriends/Hotlink while riding, because at the end of the day, it's all about reaching out to that special person on the other end of the line. Remember, human communication is important.

Um. I can't think of anything else right now, but I promise to make it worth your while. Oh yeah, and I'll fucking block Toyota from selling Camrys, Naza from selling Kia Karnivals and I will ban souped-up Sagas from the Ampang Elevated Highway.