In Tha Ghetto

Is your neighbourhood turning into a ghetto? Mine is. Here are 10 signs that your 'hood is on the way down:

1. There are more drug dealers per square foot now in my 'hood than there were, say, ten years ago. What's your vice? Marijuana, codeine, crack, heroine, morphine, glue, speed, ecstasy, it's all there, baby.

2. The playgrounds are empty: Little kids don't come out and play any more, and it's not because the merry-go-round needs fixing.

3. Frenzied property development in the midst of festering urban decay: It's cool when new buildings come up, but not cool when there are a whole shitload of old ones still around that look like background scenery for films like Resident Evil 2.

4. A marked increase in police presence: It's OK when you see a cop car cruising down the street at four o'clock in the morning, on your way to a pre-hangover burger pick-up. It's shit when you see the fucker circling the block four times just to make sure he saw what he saw.

5. High school kids chugging beers in brown paper bags in front of the 7-11.

6. Roads that are forever in a state of ill-repair, then get magically re-paved just before the elections. Abra-Cadabra! Who's Your Daddy!

7. Sound-proofed neighbours: Intermittent screams? Check. Marital spats on mega-phone? Check. Cheesy pop songs broadcasted 24-hours a day at 150 decibels into the threshold of pain? Check.

8. Gestapo-sponsored kindergartens? Check. (see previous post)

9. Irregular garbage disposal. Need I elaborate?

AND DRUM-ROLL PLEASE, HERE'S THE BEST ONE SO FAR:

10. Nobody looks like they give a shit.

There you go.

I could go on, but this shit isn't funny anymore.

Haha.